Hamburger Hunt

Normally my intestines shouldn’t feel like sausages, but how many cheese burgers could a person eat before their insides ripped and the ground up, half cooked beef that had been packed in spilled out?

The Hamburger Hunt had been on my mind for a long time, so much so that several people turned out to be mad at not being included when the trip finally went down. But it was just a simple loop, a Golden Brown Beefy Triangle if you will that started with Louis Lunch.

Louis Lunch in New Haven, CT is a historic landmark for being the oldest operating hamburger stand in the United States, and some argue the location where the hamburger was invented. I don’t know, what do I look like a beefamatician?

What I do know is they serve a tasty burger allegedly made from five different cuts of beef, and so you don’t spoil the flavor condiments are not allowed in the consumption of this masterpiece of meat. Also they don’t give you buns, or rolls, or whatever you want to call them that usually go on the outside of any self respecting burger. Instead you get two slices of toasted white bread and you’d better be happy with that.

A short hop north to Meriden, CT lands you are in the twilight zone of burger cooking. Sometime in the early 1900′s they started cooking their burgers the way they ironed their clothes, with steam. These steamed burgers are a tradition here and Ted’s Restaurant has been serving them up since 1959. I don’t want to make a bad joke about it being the same steamer since they opened but lets just say that it will be a long time before I try another steamed hamburger.

Besides which the vertical cast iron hamburger stove at Louis Lunch is from 1898 and those burgers tasted great.

Ted’s cooks little square patties that I wished had fit the bun. Instead there was some extra roll, no doubt to catch the melted mozzarella cheese they cover the burger with and makes for a damn tasty presentation. But unlike the first burger of the day these needed a little condiment love to get them down.

The original plan then called for a nice hike to Heublein Tower in an attempt to try and burn off some of those burgers before the Rhode Island finale. Located just north of Ted’s in Talcott State Park it is a castle tower the manufacturing magnate of A1 Steak Sauce and Smirnoff Vodka built for his fiance.

It’s too humid. It’s uphill, I just went to the gym yesterday and my trainer…

“The view is awesome.”

“You go, I’ll wait here.” She says slumping back into the drivers seat of her car.

Haven Bros., the supposed end of the Golden Beef Triangle wasn’t to be either. Located in downtown Providence, RI, how the hell else was I going to complete the damn triangle?, was the original and intended ending.

“Maybe just a salad.” She says.

Haven Bros. Burger!

“Maybe I have to get home in time to watch the new Thursday line up on NBC.”

I still got them to make me a burger at the Greek place where we ate, lettuce, tomato, feta cheese and tzatziki sauce.

No Haven Bros., no Beefy Triangle, not as it was originally envisioned anyway.

My large intestines breathe a sigh of relief.